Of course I realize this is just an excuse. As a programmer, I know that perfection doesn't come with the first attempt. That's why we have upgrades. That's why we accept that there are going to be bugs.
But I know I want to be great. Up until I made it to college, I fully intended to be a scientist. I'm not sure why I gave that dream up. Partially I was scared about working in a field that was so pro-evolution. I didn't think I'd lose my faith in God, but I was worried I would not be able to succeed with those beliefs. I didn't want to fight an up-hill battle my whole life. My mistake was that I made assumptions based on emotions. My concerns were real to me, but I shouldn't have just assumed. There were plenty of resources at my disposal to figure out if my concerns were real. I could have spoken with my teachers or I could have called biology professors at BYU (lots of options). I was very good at biology. My teacher actually begged me to take the AP Biology test because she knew I'd make her stats look good. (I was pleased with how I did).
My first year of college I learned to do a simple webpage. I wasn't great at it, but I was surprised at how easily I understood it. I like that I told the computer what to do and it did it.
On my mission in Japan, I thought of some ways to use the internet to better to make it easier to learn a foreign language. That pretty much led me down the path of wanting to be an entrepreneur. I majored in IT so that I'd be able to construct my own online company. I am constantly coming up with ideas. I feel like I know what to do to make it successful. But the couple of times I've pulled the trigger, it hasn't worked out right. I think here the perfectionist has back fired. Again perfection isn't necessary, but giving people faith in your product is.
After 3 years of trying to start a business on the side followed by a 2 year full time MBA program, I'm sitting thinking I know how do it. I did an internship with a venture backed company and I'm networked fairly well within the venture capital community. I really think I can. I have to do the work and I have to be smart, but I really think I know what to do to launch a successful company. I also have a few ideas I like. They aren't perfect but what idea is? That's why I think it was so important to do the tasks I just mentioned. I know I now have an A-Game knowledge, as long as I bring my A-Game with me, I think I can make a company successful. (You know the whole bet on the rider not on the horse idea).
With this dream I've passed on and this dream I currently have, I've suddenly hit a crossroads. I am hanging around a lot of med school students and part of me is wanting to be a doctor now. I find it exciting that my first dream would come roaring back into existence. I like think of ADP and ribosomes and all that jazz.
So what is going on? Successfully starting and international organization -- great! Establish a successful anesthesiologist practice? --- great!
Toward the end of my internship with the VC backed company I started saying, I don't know that I want to do this. IT is going to be hard work. I do think it will be easier than Med School though. And quicker gratification.
Is being a doctor just a grab at greatness? Do I see it as being not quite as great but more guaranteed than what entrepreneurship would bring? Being a doctor would require more attention I feel. And if these are just grabs at greatness, is it just the glory I want?
Is part of my past business failures that fact that I'm interested in the glory not the work? Most successful people tell me its important to enjoy the ride. And thus maybe its not that I'm the perfectionist, its that I don't want to work. I would definitely enjoy getting to jog and swim all day. Playing in the pool or lake or ocean with my family a few hours a day would be the ideal way for me to spend my time.
Well there's lots of questions here. And I've got a lot to do. I actually can't think of a better way to process thoughts than to sit down and write them out. They are there to read later if I want to and maybe they'll give me some insight when the emotions have cleared.
I need to confirm, would I enjoy being a doctor? I also need to know what it will take to become one. Is med-school 1 year out? 2 years out? I have confirmed that I can be a successful entrepreneur. I need to make sure I deliver though. Discipline is the key ingredient that I'm not positive I want to offer up. Of course if I don't want to give discipline then why be a doctor? We're talking no money until I'm 40 and then the chance of severe lawsuits if I'm undisciplined and don't pay attention. Entrepreneurship requires less effort and discipline I feel, but med-school offer externally imposed deadlines and terms, which forces me to actually perform.
Another question is can I pay attention enough? I've never done a good job of learning in class. I've always done it by asking questions and reading books. And hands on experience.
Once I have the prerequisites, will I still be good enough to get into med school? Ah, a gamble in the mix :)
Anyway, I plan on putting in this blog a lot of my research and thoughts. I do want to take my grab and not sit around hoping the dreams will come true. I need to make an educated one.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....................................
